Long ago, when dinosaurs roamed the earth and I hadn’t had a chance to play the new Smash Bros., I said I wasn’t interested in the 3DS version of the game. Since then, my life has changed considerably, but that initial statement is one I stand by. Smash is an inherently social experience, and I have no great desire to experience it while crouched over a handheld.
What I do have a great desire for is the game’s 3DS exclusive content. The Wii U version is technically superior, with 47 stages to the 3DS’ 34, but some of the 3DS stages look absolutely incredible. There’s a Spirit Tracks stage that’s set on a moving train, a hilarious-looking Tomodachi Life stage, and even a stage based on Rainbow Road from the Mario Kart games.
I can understand why each version was given its own stages, and for the most part, I get why these specific stages landed on the 3DS. Spirit Tracks and Tomodachi Life are handheld titles; it only makes sense that their stages would be exclusive to the handheld version of the game.
But there’s one stage — one glorious, incredible stage — that clearly belongs in Super Smash Bros. for the Wii U.
I’m talking, of course, about Magicant, a stage based on a location in the Mother series. It’s a candy-colored masterpiece; a stage designed to celebrate one of the most magical games in existence. The land is covered in ice-cream shaped houses and trees. There are Flying Men happy to fight by your side, and tiny graves that appear when they’re defeated. Occasionally, the sky opens up to reveal scenes from the first two Mother games.
It’s a stage I’d desperately like to play, but it’s not something I can justify buying a game for. I don’t want to enjoy Magicant on my 3DS; I want to share it with my bro-smashing friends. I want an excuse to extol the virtues of EarthBound, a way to convince people to give the game a try.
Barring retro consoles and emulation, there’s exactly one way to play EarthBound: on the Nintendo Wii U. Magicant is a virtual EarthBound commercial, so why is it relegated to a system that can’t even play it? It doesn’t make any sort of sense.
Sometimes, I think that the 3DS version of Smash Bros. only exists to spite gamers. It pushes people to create asinine online petitions and tempts them into buying two copies of a game they only want one of. It was a placeholder that’s already fulfilled its purpose, and in the long run, it’s caused more headaches than happiness.
Obviously, the above statements are both irrational and hyperbolic. There are countless people out there who love playing Smash on the go, and their feelings don’t stop counting just because I’m not one of them.
But there’s a part of me — a childish, self-absorbed part of me — that truly believes that Smash 3DS and the Magicant level were created to break my heart.
