Culture

How I Ended Up with a Nintendo Switch Instead of Dayquil

Julian and Nintendo Switch

I awoke on the morning of Friday March 3rd 2017 as I normally do during an average work week. I crawled out of bed, showered and got dressed. The only thing out of sorts was a nagging feeling that I might have a virus coming on. So I decided I would head to Target to grab some Emergen-C and maybe some DayQuil to start a preemptive counterattack.

I wasn’t even thinking about Nintendo or the fact that the Switch hit store shelves that very morning. I am an unabashed pooh-pooh-er of all things Nintendo, so I’d never planned on picking up a Switch. “Let the fools pre-order,” I said. “Let them scramble and make their mad-dashes while I stay far, far away from all that.”

So when I approached Target in downtown Minneapolis, I noticed a barrier running along the glass facade of the store. I said to myself, “They must be washing the windows today.” But then I noticed a small 8 x 11 piece of paper taped to a column, barely discernible in that fluorescent-lit Target store. It read:

Target Nintendo Switch Sign

Purely out of morbid curiosity, I headed to the electronics section to see if they had any left in stock, musing to myself that I would get one if they did so I could gloat on Facebook before gouging some sucker online. I arrived to empty shelves, but I overhead a store clerk mention to another guy that the Nintendo Switches were upstairs and that he’d better hurry.

I felt a sudden urge — like a giddy fool — to hurry on up and get my hands on one. I can’t explain how it happened, but I found myself  in need of a fucking Switch like Ralphie on Christmas day praying for a 1938 Daisy Red Ryder BB gun.

Now, I am no impulse buyer. I certainly don’t cotton to getting any electronic device simply because it’s the hot new thing. But there I stood — nay, there I jogged — through the menswear department to cut that other guy off at the pass. And sure enough, there on the second floor behind the exchange counter, flanked by store security and Minneapolis police officers, was an empty line leading up to a counter of Nintendo Switches.

Before I knew it, I was snaking my way through the makeshift maze, messaging anyone I knew who might want one, telling myself I would get it just in case a friend couldn’t find one. I even opted out of getting the only game the system even has, (I know this isn’t technically true, but c’mon, let’s be real here) as some sort of proof that I myself wasn’t the intended owner of this device.

Nintendo Switch on Desk

Within a matter of seconds, I was leaving the store with a Switch in hand, dazed and trying to justify the purchase as my impulsive stupor faded and left behind a swirl of confusion and exhaustion.

Maybe a friend would come a knocking. Lightgun Galaxy’s owner and founder Josh had managed to grab one on my tip, but maybe my buddy Joel would want one. Maybe I could be the scumbag seller of the week and put it on eBay once the initial fleet runs dry.

But man, it would be cool to own one, to play major games (if there ever end up being any) on the go. I mean, I’m not usually in a position that would grant me the time to play it on the go, but you never know.

Right?

Nintendo Switch on Desk

Shit, I forgot the cold medication.