Video Games

Final Fantasy XV Is a Game About Procrastinating on Getting Married

Final Fantasy XV Group Photo

There are plenty of games out there that let you get married, and most of the ones I can think of off the top of my head let you do so in your own time so you can wait until you’re good and ready.

But Final Fantasy XV is a different beast altogether. In this game, the very first thing Noctis is asked to do is to simply travel to a city called Altissa to marry his childhood crush, Lunafreya. You will then spend the next — oh, I don’t know — 35 hours or so doing everything but that.

Final Fantasy XV Road Trip

The game’s beginning portion unfolds like a road trip movie, with Noctis and three buds driving across the desert, meeting new people, getting reacquainted with old friends, and having fun.

You’ll be given the keys to Noctis’ daddy’s tricked-out ride.

Final Fantasy XV Regalia

You’ll travel to exotic locations and see the sights.

Final Fantasy XV Galdin Quay

You’ll stay in ludicrously overpriced beachside resorts.

Final Fantasy XV Gladin Quay Resort

You’ll take selfies with your best friends.

Final Fantasy XV Noctis and Prompto Selfie

You’ll play smartphone games at rest areas.

Final Fantasy XV Smartphone

You’ll go camping and have cookouts.

Final Fantasy XV Cookout at Camp

You’ll wax poetic about the open road.

Final Fantasy XV Noctis and the Open Road

You’ll stop for food at roadside diners.

Final Fantasy XV Noctis at the Crow's Nest Diner

You’ll stomp through puddles like a three-year-old.

Final Fantasy XV Puddle

You’ll chat on the phone with girls who are very much not Noctis’ fiancee.

Final Fantasy XV Smartphone and Noctis

You’ll go fishing at every opportunity (seriously, Noctis can’t get enough!)

Final Fantasy XV Noctis Fishing

You’ll do battle with fearsome mechs.

Final Fantasy XV Mech Attack

You’ll hang out on benches with alcoholic mascot statues.

Final Fantasy XV Crow's Nest Diner

You’ll toil under the hot sun to grow carrots.

Final Fantasy XV Carrot Farmer

You’ll satisfy late-night cravings for cup noodles.

Final Fantasy XV Cup Noodles

You’ll race chocobos for prizes.

Final Fantasy XV Chocobo Ranch

You’ll try on amazing outfits.

Final Fantasy XV Sombrero

You’ll visit the tombs of your ancestors.

Final Fantasy XV Tomb

You’ll play a pinball-like game called Justice Monsters Five.

Final Fantasy XV Justice Monsters Five

You’ll strike poses in foreign markets.

Final Fantasy XV Gladiolus Strikes a Pose

You’ll hunt vicious monsters.

Final Fantasy XV Behemoth

You’ll collect moogle dolls and cactuar figurines.

Final Fantasy XV Iris with Moogle Doll

You’ll sing ballads under the stars.

Final Fantasy XV Noctis Singing

You’ll enjoy great classics of literature.

Final Fantasy XV Gladiolus and Book

And very little of this has anything to do with getting married.

When you think about it, the game’s first half is really about the longest bachelor party in history.

And yes, I know the second half is something else entirely, but the best parts of Final Fantasy XV are when you’re procrastinating on tying the knot. And, in some strange way, that’s what makes the game special.

Whether you love marriage, hate it, or are completely neutral toward it, there’s something deeply satisfying about being able to just say, “maybe later” in the virtual world and have a grand adventure with your bros until you’re truly ready to say your vows.

Josh Wirtanen owns this place and has opinions about pretty much everything. Follow him on Twitter: @joshuajwirtanen.